Traveling In Trucks

There I was, parked along the interstate at a Park N Ride; backpack on, cellphone in the back pocket of my jeans, and my Adidas gym bag in hand while I climbing across a guardrail to step up in a Peterbilt.

I realized that life is short and I have always wanted to travel, I love to see new things- just to experience the sight, the sounds, the smells, and the touch of the experiences wonders. Lucky for me I just finished my last week of work before changing jobs, took the semester off from grad school, and have a friend heading to the west! My biggest worry is my constant need to pee, even if I haven’t had anything to drink for hours- which is my current situation. I figure this next week will be great for dieting, horrible for hydration, and give me a new life experience to become enveloped in.

Things I learned about driving over-the-road:

I know this may come off as racist, but growing up in a household that was all one race, I didn’t realize that there were so many diverse truck drivers out there – and might I just say that there are some very handsome ones and I LOVE chocolate!

Loading and unloading is not quick or fast, however the closer it get’s to shift change or quitting time for the workers – the faster they will load/unload your truck so you can be on your way.

Almost every truck has a name and every driver has a handle. Names of the trucks are written across the back of them, like a ‘tramp-stamp’ tattoo. Names such as Thunderstruck, Nuclear Banana, Slow Your Role, Destination Nowhere, and my favorite Truckasaurus Rex! Handles are the drivers names and they range from witty, clever, basic, to vulgar. So far there happens to be a Baby-Maker, Bullfrog, Shine, Part-Time, Crackhead, Rubber Ducky, and Squirrel. Now that I think about it, I want a CB Handle- I guess I already have one though, don’t I?

Not everywhere is truck friendly, as in there aren’t any places to pull in and or park.

I am pretty sure that my ability to pee in a cup while in a moving vehicle is going to come in handy.

Not all truck-stops are created equal, some of them have great food just like home and others- not so much. Some have TV rooms, arcade games, shower rooms, and places to wash your laundry.

Over-the-road Transliterations:

Mickey Mouse = it’s small, it’s worthless. Example: that truck stop is Mickey Mouse. Unloading my truck at the next stop is gonna be Mickey Mouse.

Skate Board= a flatbed truck

Four Wheelers= cars

Parking Lot= trucks that haul cars/vehicles (car haulers)

Tankers=cans

Alligators = busted tired in the road from a blow out

State Troopers = Full Growns  or Bears or Bubble Gum Machine

If it has a cover on  it =  Covered Wagon

Put a rag on it = means you have to put a tarp on your load

10-4 = yes

20 = Location

Garbage Trucks = trash cans

Passenger = Seat Cover

Driver = how you address talk to an unknown driver, when you don’t know their handle

91 Yardstick = this means you are at mile marker 91, yardstick being the mile marker

Back it Down = slow down

When counting yardsticks/mile markers directions : if you are heading South & West the numbers count down, if you are going North or East the numbers are counting up.

Listening to guys talk on the CB is one of the most enjoyable things to observe. Occasionally some people get into verbal pissing matches, but for the most part the guys really try to communicate on traffic conditions and have a bit of witty chit chat. Occasionally, you will hear a female voice travel across the radio waves. There isn’t any room for emotions out here, they aren’t afraid to call other drivers out for not paying attention, not being able to get their radio’s working – boy they all are quick to jump on the wagon! I can’t help but laugh at the smart-ass comments.

Apparently since the last time I was in a truck, the guys don’t use the CB’s like they use to and boy do they get pissed if they think you haven’t had yours on!

“At least I can say I pissed on the Pennsylvania Turnpike” Bullfrog – this is what happens when a mud/rock slide blocks traffic and trucks are lined up at a stop.

Also, I thought when I confiscated the Minion Fart Gun out of my house, that I would never have to hear it again. I thought wrong- line up miles of truckers with only one goal in mind- DRIVING FORWARD- tell them they are gonna be sitting still for awhile and all hell or wind breaks loose over the waves! (lol)

Rumble Strips = Zippers

To be continued…..

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